


In the Case of Superman versus Alexander Joseph Luthor

by glitterandlube



Category: DC Comics, Smallville
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-24
Updated: 2010-07-24
Packaged: 2017-10-10 18:56:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitterandlube/pseuds/glitterandlube
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The idea just made me laugh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Case of Superman versus Alexander Joseph Luthor

"Let us review the facts as they are relevant to this case. Namely that Mr. Luthor created one Kon-El, aka Superboy, using Superman's DNA at Cadmus Labs without Superman's express permission."

Lex interrupts with, "He was dead, how was I supposed to get his consent?"

The judge ignores the outburst. "As such, the child was artificially aged to be 13 and then became self sufficient in a manner I don't exactly understand. At any rate, Superman has adopted him as a member of his family, and named him after a deceased relative from Krypton, am I correct?"

Superman nods. He stands behind the podium, hands on his hips, looking very hero-like. Lex gags into his imported water. The judge peers over her glasses, and says, "The court will not record nonverbal speech, please answer the question, Superman." Lex smirks a little, and his lawyer wants to glare at him, but he's too afraid. Lex smiles with all his teeth, making the man shrink visibly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Madam, yes, I did named Kon after one of my deceased relatives."

Kon slumps further down in the back bench in the courtroom. He is listening to his ipod with the four inch touchscreen that Lex sent him for his birthday. Kon isn't sure how he even got a hold of it, because he is pretty sure he read somewhere that the functions weren't even in a beta phase yet, but well, Lex. Robin is sitting next to him, theoretically for moral support, but in reality because it is just a need for all Bats to watch the Metas fuck up in public.  
It allows them to polish their superior humanity smirking.

Superman is going on at length about poor Kon, hatched alone in the world, abandoned in the wilds of Hawaii, blah blah blah. The only suffering Kon is currently going through is the trauma of being made to watch tv on a tiny tiny screen when he could be in Lex's penthouse watching the world's largest plasma television. Sometimes his other dad sucks a lot. It's hard to look up to a guy you think is sort of lame. Lois doesn't even make him do the dishes. He volunteers.

Bruce Wayne is sitting behind Lex, and he keeps turning around to stare at Kon, like he's expecting him to break out into the evil clone dance and try to snap Robin's neck right there. Kon sighs and glances over at his best friend, who is reading a book on advanced geometry for fun. Why is he the only cool one in the room? Well, Lex is cool. In an evil world domination way.

Clark had explained to him carefully that there was a lot of excellent, valid reasons to be doing this. Things like Lex needing to be held accountable for what he did to Kon. Kon had stared at him confused. "What? You mean like the part where I'm alive? I'll have to write him a real threatening note about that one." Clark had frowned down at him, and started explaining about messing with illegal something something, and Kon had tuned him out. Thank god he can tune out his super hearing.

When Kon had judged Clark was done pontificating, he said, "You want him held accountable for dumping me on you, that's what you're talking about." and Superman had turned kind of white and shook his head a lot. Kon didn't really know how to explain to Clark that Lex was already helping him out, because he wasn't actually supposed to be talking to Lex, much less letting Lex buy him say, expensive shoes, much much less letting Robin steal food out of his giant steel, possibly a robot, fridge--it talked about produce, it asked if you wanted ice in your drink, Kon was torn between fascination and fear.

Their relationship was kind of a game now, Tim would leave bugs in Lex's penthouse in three levels [obvious, not obvious, you will never find this.] Lex always found every one and left them in a pile on the bar counter so Tim could curse over his lack of success and start again. Kon was tired of flying Tim up to the various light fixtures in the place. He was very impressed that there were never dead bugs in them though, that was some serious class.

All this translated to Kon keeping his mouth shut, and Clark going ahead with his stupid stupid plan. Sadly, Kon was at the penthouse when Lex got the notice, except Lex collapsing with laughter on the floor was actually kind of awesome. The guy hardly ever smiled unless he was trying to scare someone, and he looked like he was going to piss himself. The only parts Kon could make out were "Clark" and "Retard." He really wanted to say he didn't hear that a lot, but...well. Kon had leaned over the counter, and said, "Who's Clark?" causing Lex to stare up at him. "Oh, don't even start that shit with me, Conner." Kon had tried really hard to look innocent, but Lex was busy hanging the court document on the wall and humming. It was kind of the high point of Lex's life to date.

Tim had laughed when he saw it, and Kon had no idea what Batman had done, but Bruce Wayne was in court promptly as the doors opened, so he figured he was laughing on the inside. Kon briefly wondered what kind of sex the man would have to have to consider it kinky since he ran around in rubber all the time on purpose. He opens his mouth to ask Robin, then remembers the last time he asked Robin something like that, Robin had threatened to make a kryptonite laser. He could ask Lex later. Oh the other hand, Lex might actually tell him, and this is a high possibility it might be one of those things that scars Kon emotionally for life. Like that time Clark sat him down for the sex talk, and Kon had to set his own shirt on fire to escape. It was his favorite shirt too. He still kind of mourns it. He looked totally hot in it.

Anyway, Dad One was pontificating [again] a lot on why Dad Two sucked a whole bunch. Lex Luthor is blah blah, evil incarnate, possibly the devil, maybe just his son, I'm not sure. Lex turns around and stares at Kon, who smiles and makes little devil horns. Lex smiles back and mouths, "What do you want for lunch?" Kon mouths back, "Sushi." Lex nods, and busies himself tapping out an order to one of his fifteen personal assistants to order about 25 lbs of sushi considering how much Kon and Robin both eat.

Lex generally tends to watch them with a vaguely amused look on his face. It's funny, but there is no doubt in his mind what-so-ever that Lex had him made because he wanted him. It's bizarre to Kon that Superman is the standoffish one. He smacks Robin's textbook but the boy just doesn't even jump. Kon huffs and goes back to the tv. He is going to rewind the part where Marissa dies about twenty-six times. Again. When the judge finally asks Superman to sit down, and calls for recess, Lex has already wandered to the back of the courtroom to sit next to Kon. Superman stares at them blankly.

"Sit up straight, you weren't raised in a barn. Oh wait...."

Robin snickers and Kon elbows him. "You're supposed to be on my side, traitor."

Robin shakes his head. "I'm on no side."

Lex does that thing that means he is smiling at people who are not Kon. "I have food coming."

"Okay, I'm definitely on his side." Robin hands over the book for Lex to look over.

"Oh come on, are you really bought that easily?"

"Well, what do you have to offer me?" Robin crosses his arms and looks interested.

"A lifetime of friendship?"

"Are you coming onto me?"

"It's not like I offered a lifetime of blowjobs, ass." Kon shoves at him.

"That could have won me over."

Kon stares in horror at Tim, who stares back with the blank bat-look on his face. "Stop acting like me, it pisses me off. I can see your amusement behind those white things that cover your eyes you loser."

"The day you get x-ray vision is the day I start investing heavily in lead underwear."

Lex scoots down closer to Kon, and Kon immediately slumps over on him so Lex can stroke his hair. Everyone Kon really really likes does this. Tim does it, sometimes, Lex does it a lot, Mrs. Kent does it when he has a bad day and whines. Sadly, Clark has never really caught on. Superman is still staring at them, floundering about what to do. Lex waves at him sunnily. Kon winces, and watches as Bruce comes over to sit in front of Lex to talk about the stock market or something.

He thinks he hears the word NASDAQ, but who knows, they are talking in some Asian language that Kon can't understand, nor does he want to, but Robin seems to be following. Kon steps on Tim's foot out of pure spite, and Clark, Lex, and Bruce all yell at him. Kon sulks, and glares at Bruce Wayne. "Like you could do anything to me." Bruce narrows his eyes, and Lex clears his throat meaningfully. Robin rolls his eyes. "All of you shut up." He pats Kon on the cheek.

The rest of the trial is ridiculous. Lex and Superman get into at least four separate fights where the bailiffs are afraid to go near either one of them. Clark calls Lex the Pinnacle of Unholy Evil, and something that doesn't sound very nice in some other language Kon also doesn't know, and Lex throws sticky rice at his head. Bruce looks the happiest Kon has ever seen him. Ever. No wait, there was that time they all thought Robin had died, and then Dick dragged him out of a building still alive, and Batman had had a facial expression. This is very close to that moment.

No one had really ever seen Superman lose his temper, it is truly kind of awesome. He breaks a table, and almost throws a chair at Lex. You could tell he really wanted too, but he looked at Kon first, and then put it down quickly. Tim whispers, "dammit," and Kon starts giggling. The judge just kind of orders them all out of her courtroom and awards custody of Superboy to Robin. Seriously. Tim cheers loudly then agrees to sell Kon to Lex for 1.4 billion dollars and a car.

As they are leaving the courtroom, Lex and Tim discuss what kind of mind control to use on Kon. Robin is saying, "It doesn't even have to be that strong, Kon doesn't have any will power," and Kon is disagreeing loudly when Superman grabs him and speeds off. Lex looks at Robin, "I'm afraid I will have to keep my money, Robin." Tim nods. "I'm sure I'll find some way to go to college," and looks at Bruce.

Lex glances at Bruce as well, and asks, "Can you please call down the Alien and tell him to return my son?"

Bruce makes an interesting face. "I'll see what I can do. He probably didn't go that far with him."

As usual, Batman is correct, and Lex finds them both on the roof of his penthouse looking annoyed for slightly different reasons. He can hear Clark telling Conner that Lex needs to pay for his actions, and Conner saying back, "God, if you don't want me, just say so, leave Lex the hell out of it." Lex walks faster, goddamn Clark anyway. He can't hear Clark's reply but when he finally gets up there, Kon is sitting on the edge of the roof of the Lex Corp Tower glaring. "I'm not going to live in Smallville anymore."

"You're not living with Lex."

"You can't stop me! I'm so fucking sick of that place. I'm nauseous all the time when I'm there. I can't even breathe." Conner is not pouting exactly because that would be lame.

"What?" Both of them yell at the same time.

Kon looks up. "I said, the place fucking sucks and I..."

"No, that's not what I'm asking, what do you mean you're nauseous?" Clark stares at Kon with a funny look on his face.

Lex starts smacking Clark. "God dammit."

"Stop it Lex, you'll just break your hand."

"It would be worth it you asshole. I can not believe I let you drop my son into the middle of a fucking death trap. I hate you."

"It wasn't on purpose!"

"It's never on purpose with you. They all accidentally die and that makes it okay."

"What?" Kon looks at both his parents, watching Clark hold Lex off with an impatient look.

"Nothing, Conner."

"It's always nothing with you. I saw nothing, nothing happened. If I had one ounce of your smug, sanctimonious..."

"Lex, Shut up. Conner, when you're in Smallville, do your hands ever turn green?"

"They did one time when I went past this Crater thing. Then some kind of bug man attacked me. I don't really go past there anymore."

Lex is making furious noises behind Clark's hand on his mouth.

Kon frowns. "Have you guys ever heard of UST?"

Lex pushes Clark's hand off his mouth. "Kon, I say this for your own good, but is that really a question you want to ask your parents?

"Well, Robin said..."

"Besides what make you think the Unresolved part applies?"

"WHAT? OH MY GOD!" Kon jumps up.

"I did try to warn you."

"YOU DID NOT FUCK CLARK. CLARK IS NOT COOL ENOUGH FOR GAY SEX. OH GOD! I WANT TO DIE."

"Are you done?"

"Not really."

"Can you be done anyway?" Lex asks.

"For a thousand dollars."

"Deal."

"Cool." Kon grins hugely.

"I don't understand the part about me not being cool enough to have gay sex? Wait, you mean with LEX? CONNER!"

Lex grins the exact same grin he had when he got Clark's letter in the first place. Kon rolls his eyes, and sits back down on the edge of the roof to watch Lex circle Clark, who keeps edging away rapidly.

"All that tie straightening when I was younger, was that some kind of a come on?"

"Is that a metaphor for something else? I don't want to hear any metaphor use from either of you. I might have to vomit over the side of the roof here and mess up your windows." Kon mimes gagging to emphasize his point.

Lex stops playing with Clark to go sit beside Kon. "Do you want to live with me?"

"Yes."

"NO!"

"Shut up Clark, I don't recall asking your opinion about anything for oh, say, the last ten years."

"My son is not..." Clark trails off at the way Lex's face goes blank and cold. Clark looks down, and starts again, "Our son shouldn't be living here. This isn't a good environment."

"Would you prefer him to live with you in that deathtrap you call an apartment?"

"What?! Lois would kill me! We don't even have a spare bedroom and...Lex, come on, that's why he is staying with my mom."

"Which he is not doing anymore."

"We can figure out a way to clean up Smallville. Just give me some time."

"You don't get more time, Clark. No more time to fuck up anything else while I can put a stop to it. Kon is living here, with me, as per his request. If you start up with this lawsuit bullshit again, I will make your life a living hell. Everything I have done up to now won't even touch what I will..."

"Lex. Stop it." Conner and Lex look at each other and Lex nods.

"Kon, I am trying to do what is best for you."

"No, you're trying to do what you think is best based on some narrow parameters you have ingrained in you. Lex made me, I think he kind of does want me around, and I doubt it's to hurt me."

"He could use you to hurt other people."

"I'm not going to hurt anyone. Geez."

"He's not you, Clark." Lex and Clark stare at each for a long moment that Kon doesn't understand at all, before Clark sits down on the other side of him.

"I'm coming by every day."

"No problem."

"If he does anything strange, you tell me."

"Of course."

Clark carefully gives Kon a hug, and messes up his hair. Kon smiles brightly. "I'm just going to talk to Lex for a little bit okay?"

"If you try to shove him off the roof, I'll just grab him, you know that right?"

"I haven't killed Lex yet, Kon, I'm not going to now."

Clark leads Lex over to the door and hisses, "Did you do this to make me weak?"

"You used to see good things in me, Clark. Why did you stop?"

"It was complicated."

"So is this, Clark, think about it, what is the one thing that will always protect him from my worst enemy?"

"That he is mine too?"

Lex shrugs, "You were the only person I have ever loved enough to want to be a better man. Who else would I want to have a child with?"

"If you hurt him, I'll hurt you."

"I hope so. And stop making him feel like you don't want him, Clark. Even if you hate me, you're not alone anymore."

They both turn and watch Kon tilt his face up to the sun.


End file.
